A Message for Those Who Have Ever Been Bullied

have been bullied - it's cool to be kind

As the title suggests, this is a message for those who have ever been bullied. It doesn’t matter if it was years ago, or recently.

When I was in high school (all those years ago), there was one girl who was a couple of years younger than me who was bullied constantly.

There was bullying in all year groups, obviously, but she had it particularly tough – as did a few others.

She wasn’t just bullied by everyone in her year, she was picked on by people in every year – even by students who were younger than her!

It seemed as though everyone knew her name. People (mostly boys, from what I can remember) would snigger at her as they passed her in the corridor or would throw things at her, or block her way. They always had something horrible to say to her. She was never left alone.

But she always seemed so cheerful and smiley, despite this. She’d even go out of her way to say hello to the teachers who passed her in the corridor.

To be honest, I always wondered how the hell she did it.

She had very few friends and half of the school bullied her. I have no idea how she even managed to get up in the morning.

I should have stood up for her. A lot of us should have when we saw what was happening, but we didn’t. In a way, we all let her down. It was shitty of us to all say nothing.

I have no idea if she really was as happy as she seemed, or if it was all just a front, but we all know how much bullying hurts.

So, for those who have ever been bullied…

Don’t let them define you

This one might be really difficult. Particularly if you have ever been bullied more than once, or if you’ve been bullied for a long time.

They bullied you because they were hurting and because they had their own issues. It wasn’t because you deserved it or because you were worth less than them.

You were never how they made you feel.

Not once.

I’m sorry if no one has ever told you this before.

If it still hurts today, know that your pain is valid

People like to brush off bullying as something that you can easily get over with. This isn’t true. Bullying hurts. In some cases, bullying kills.

When I was younger, I was bullied more than once.

I was never an incredibly confident girl. When I was bullied, it took more confidence away from me and it chipped at my self-esteem. The people who did it made me feel as though I wasn’t worth the time like everyone else around me was. Like I wasn’t worth befriending.

If it still hurts, I want you to know that what you went through was crap. It’s ok to feel hurt by what happened – even if it was years ago.

Don’t see their successes as your failures

Occasionally, some of the people still come up on my timeline.

When they do, I sometimes look at what they’ve achieved; at all the friends they have and tell myself that I was bullied because I’m not successful like they were.

I compare myself to them. I can never see myself as being as good as them.

If you do this, don’t.

Their successes are not your failures.

Don’t be like them

If you’ve been on the receiving end, you know how it feels. Don’t become the bully, ever. Not in person or online; not for any reason.

Even if the person you’re talking to is an a-hole (I need to take note!).

That’s it, really.

For those of you who have ever been bullied, I really hope this helps in some way and I’m sorry it happened.

Let’s try to do better.

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  • This is such a poignant post Alicia and one a lot of people can relate to. Bullying strips away your self esteem and is so demeaning. When you’re at school it’s hard to stand your ground and stick up for those being bullied because you don’t want to be on the hit list. I hope the girl now has a happy life away from the torment of school and thank you for raising awareness to the issues that affects so many of us.
    Jaz xoxo
    http://www.thelifeofasocialbutterfly.co.uk

    • Thank you for reading! It really can, I don’t think some people realise just how damaging it can be and what the long-term effects are. Yes! I couldn’t agree more. If you stand your ground (or stick up for someone else) you definitely get noticed for all the wrong reasons, which needs to change. I hope so too — she didn’t deserve what they threw at her; she always seemed so happy-go-lucky and she wasn’t malicious or anything like that. And you’re welcome – I’m happy to spread awareness! x

  • This is such a great message Alicia! Thanks for opening this conversation on your blog because it’s so important. I hope your post finds those who need to hear it most.

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to have a read! I really hope so too. I wish bullying didn’t happen x

  • I totally love this post. Your blog looks amazing, I’m definitely staying here 🙂

    http://www.itsclaudiag.com

  • Caitlin

    This is so well written and very true!

    Beauty & Colour | Vegan Lifestyle Blog

  • I really liked your post! I think bullying is something that should be talked about more if only for the fact that sharing such a story may help the person overcome their pain. This is the exact reason why I have a story section on my blog.

    • Thank you for reading! Yeah, it should definitely be talked about more — I hate when people brush bullying off as something that isn’t that harmful or as something that’s not worth discussing! And I’ll be sure to have a look 🙂

  • What an amazing read…I’m sure this will help many people who experience it. You are such a good writer (so inspiring!) xx

    • Thank you! I really appreciate it 🙂 Also, I absolutely love your blog content, I have to say xx

  • Ktkinnes

    Such an important post, and one that should be shared constantly. Bullying is everywhere, and yet we still feel the need to protect ourselves first. We hear about people who stand up to the bullies, and hope that some day we can do the same. Thank you for sharing this post Alicia!

    http://lifewithktkinnes.com

    • You’re welcome; thank you for having a read! Yes, finding the courage to stand up for others is really really difficult, but it’s something that we should all try to do when we can! Although, it is easier said than done, unfortunately. x

  • This is such a relatable post and it’s so heartbreaking to hear the story of that girl who went to your school. Sadly bullying is far too common and many of us have experienced some form of it, but thank you for sharing your advice on how to cope with it.

    Heather xoxo
    https://www.hefafa.me.uk

    • Thank you for reading 🙂 Yeah, I still wonder how she did it to be honest. It’s sad that so many people went along with it without question and bullied her for no reason. It’s also really bad that so many of us (including me!) didn’t do anything to stop it. I hope her life is much better now! And you’re welcome xxx

  • Emma

    Such a relatable post, I was bullied at school and I definitely didn’t react like that girl. I was withdrawn and hurt, I felt useless and like I was just taking up space. I remember returning home one night from school and telling my dad that I wished I had never been born, he still says to this day he’s never heard me say anything more heartbreaking to him.
    I hope people see this post and it can help at least one person to know they are worthy of all the good things in life, and that those that bully could see the harm is does.
    I could not agree more about it being past but still hurting, thank you for telling people that pain in still valid. I still struggle with certain things now due to emotional pain from past bullying and I know it’s valid but it’s definitely a struggle to explain to others. x

    • I’m really sorry to hear that happened to you, Emma. It’s sad to hear that you said that to your dad, as well. I really wish it hadn’t happened to you! I just don’t think people realise how hurtful their words and actions are until they’re on the other side of it (something that bullies of course don’t experience at school). If they’d have known, I’d like to think that most or all of them would have stopped picking on you. I wish people wouldn’t take it out on others, there’s absolutely no need. You’re welcome, by the way. Your pain is definitely valid and I really hope that one day you can find healing (I know that sounds cheesy!). Take care xx

  • Hillory Renkema

    I was definitely bullied when I was younger and it was so hard to get to the point where it didn’t affect me any more – but I’m also definitely a super nice person because I would never want anyone else to feel like I did! Great advice girly!

    xo,

    H

    http://firsttimethings.com/

    • That’s so sad, I’m sorry it happened to you! Although, I’m happy that you managed to reach that point even though it took some time. Yeah, I try to be like that too, although it always irks me when people are so dismissive of other people’s pain and experiences. It’s kind of harder to be nice to those type of people (I probably shouldn’t admit that, ah well). Thank you so much for reading, my lovely! xx

  • I was bullied when I was in high school, hated it so much… I refused to keep in contact with anyone and for years I was mentally stressed from overthinking every little thing about me! At age 20, I decided to take my power back and turned my life around.

    https://rshanphonsi.com/2017/12/03/5-nationalities-cannot-date-anymore/

    • That’s horrible, I’m sorry it had such a negative effect on you and that they picked on you! I’m glad that something good was able to come of it, though and that you were able to take back control. x

  • Elise

    great message!
    Elise | http://www.elisebythepiece.com

  • I was bullied as a kid too. It wasn’t anything outright, but just comments and general isolation because I was different. Not everyone was a bully though, so I managed to stick with people who were nice to me. But I feel like it still affects me today. I feel like I’m an introvert because of that experience of being constantly judged and poked at.
    I keep trying not to think about it, really. I mean, it was so long ago. But whenever I see those people on instagram or facebook, a part of me just cringes and wishes I could really let this go. I know they don’t feel anything about whatever they’ve done, so why do I have to keep remembering it all too?
    Kanra Khan

    twitter || instagram || facebook

  • This is such an important post!
    I was bulllied the entire way through school, and ended up leaving during my A-Levels because of it. It still haunts me today & I’ll still avoid going near any of the people involved.
    If I had this post to read during that time, it might have helped me keep my confidence up and feel more empowered.
    I hope the girl you mentioned is OK now and living her best life!

    Love Bronagh, xo
    http://www.BronaghLoves.com