The Problem with Slut-Shaming & Why It Needs to Stop

the problem with slut-shaming; always be awesome trinket and Boohoo top

Slut-shaming.

What is it?

It’s when someone criticises a woman (or a non-man) for doing anything that is seen as promiscuous or sexually provocative. *

What’s wrong with it?

It’s a double standard, for starters. And it’s way too prevalent in today’s society.

We’ve been taught that anyone who isn’t male (most often, women) shouldn’t be sexually promiscuous. It’s oppressive and ridiculous.

Way too often, I see people congratulating ‘him’ for getting laid while simultaneously shaming ‘her’ or ‘them’ for wearing a short dress in their Facebook profile picture.

It particularly irks me when I see women and non-men calling others ‘slags’ or ‘sluts’ or any other derogatory term for wearing a crop top or for having sex after the fourth date.

These people just reinforce the sexual oppression that many face. We’re all in this together.

Contributing to the oppression isn’t helping.

Over time, powerful men have built society. Today, the majority of us are still governed by their rules, laws and social norms.

It’s not a coincidence that men typically have more liberation surrounding their sexuality and their ability to express it.

So, just to make it clear (I feel like I’m rambling):

A woman or non-man is not a slag/slut/[insert other derogatory term] if they have sex after the first date.

They should be able to express their sexuality as much as anyone else.

Sex and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of. They are natural.

Don’t buy into the double standard.

Men shouldn’t be congratulated for ‘pulling’ while the women (and non-men) they sleep with are shamed for sleeping with them.

To the people who honestly believe that women/non-men should be criticised for wearing revealing clothing or for having sex: you need to evaluate why that is.

If you want more information on the subject of slut shaming and why it’s problematic, please check out this article titled, ‘Why You Should Stop Saying ‘Slut’ and What To Say Instead’.

Just to clarify, I wrote this post before checking out the article (although, I have to say, theirs is a lot better. Sigh).

EDIT: Also, check out, ‘7 Lies That Can Make You Think It’s Okay to Judge Women Who Like Sex’ written by Everyday Feminism. It’s really informative!

That’s all I have to say for today’s post. Sorry it’s so short!

This is my first activism post and I’m really nervous about putting it out there because I know that this isn’t the typical content that bloggers post. That, and it’s controversial af.

Although, with that being said, I really want to raise awareness on the issue and give people alternative perspectives that they might not have come across before. Hopefully, this helps.

Feel free to let me know your thoughts below.

Have you ever been a victim of slut-shaming? If so, how did you deal with it?

– Alicia.

*If I am erasing any identities, I apologise. That is not my intention.

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  • Kaiesha Stewart

    I agree with this post so much! I hate how it isn’t OK for women to discuss sex without being looked at badly, but as you said, men get praised. I really hope this changes one day.

    http://www.kaieshastewart.com

    • Thank you! Yeah, it’s crappy isn’t it? Hopefully the double standard will change soon!

  • It’s wonderful that you’re talking about this, Alicia. It’s a major problem and I guess there are a lot of different factors that contribute to this mindset that people have. It’s perfectly ok for women talk freely about sex or dress however they want. Hopefully, the mindset will change soon and more people will start acknowledging slut-shaming as a real problem in our society.

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

    • Thank you! It is a real problem, like you said. When I was in my teens, slut-shaming was something that I used to do (I’m ashamed to admit) but it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started to question why I even had that attitude. I think it’s all about creating awareness and getting people to question why they have certain mindsets in the first place. Thanks for reading! x

  • Hillory Renkema

    YES! I totally agree with you girl. It’s so unfortunate that even in the 21st century, women are still treated differently for doing things that no one would even think twice about if a man did! Our society seriously needs to grow up and get rid of the idea of slut-shaming!

    xo,

    H

    http://firsttimethings.com/

    • Thank you! It’s weird how so many people don’t think twice about it, isn’t it? It’s such a double standard! You only have to have a look at some comment sections on Facebook talking about a woman being promiscuous and there’s criticism left, right and centre. Yet, if a man did the same thing they’d be congratulating him! x

  • Thank you! There are so many people who need to realise that slut shaming is just not okay. Just in the same way that people should not call others a prude. It doesn’t matter how much or how little sex you have as long as you’re being responsible (using protection). It shouldn’t matter what gender you are. It frustrates me even more when girls say it to each other because all it’s doing is making guys think it’s okay to say it too. I’m glad you mastered up the courage to post about a topic that is controversial, I know I’m too nervous to do it because I would get anxious about comments. I’ll be sharing this post though!

    -Sophie xx
    Cherries & Perfume

    • Thank you so much! I completely agree. No one should be shamed for having no sex or for having a lot as long as they’re doing it safely, like you said. Yes! It’s even worse when girls do it. They need to stop bringing each other down, honestly. Haha, thank you! This is only my first activism post — I’ve got so much more to say but I am absolutely dreading the comments I’m going to get. Aw, I really appreciate it xxx

  • eh, I’m a pretty modest person, so all those things you mentioned are not things I would ever do– but that’s because of my own personal religion. in my community, we don’t discriminate– we aren’t very happy with either gender if they do any of those things, lol. But that is because my community is very religious, and those are our standards. as for the double standard– that is one thing I cannot abide by. I may not be one to do anything before marriage or whatnot, but I have absolutely no idea why anyone would think that those things would be ok for a guy and not a girl– honestly that mindset is so twisted. I will admit, it doesn’t make me the happiest when I see a celebrity take off all their clothes or whatever– but that goes for both genders for me. I don’t think that’s appropriate behavior for either men or women. Just my own (controversial) two cents. Thanks for sharing! such a great post!

    http://cynicalduchess.com

    • That’s fair enough! I completely understand where you’re coming from. Yeah, it’s the double standard that irks me – you’re right, it is messed up! What’s okay for one person should be okay for another and vice versa. I don’t know why anyone still buys into the double standard, tbh. It’s completely unfair. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! xx

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this deep and sadly true post. This rings so true for so many women in society and it was such an interesting read – I love your writing!

    Heather xoxo
    https://www.hefafa.me.uk

    • Aww, you’re really welcome! I really hate how we shame some people but not others, it’s really sad. We need to get rid of the double standard! And thank you 🙂 xxx

  • this is so true. when a guy does something it’s cool but if a girl does the same thing, then everyone criticizes her
    The Glossychic

  • Ktkinnes

    Brilliant post Alicia! And so true! I had 2 friends in uni – one male, the other female – and both slept with 2 different people within 24 hours. He was hailed as some sort of God by the other boys, while she was judged. Such a double standard!

  • I️ really appreciate this post, I notice how guys all around me are congratulated for “pulling” but the girls in my friend group don’t support each other in the same way. I’ll totally be watching for this and doing my best to correct it wherever I see it!

  • Thank you for speaking out about this!